l'arte d'arrangiarsi

"The perfect happiness of men on the earth (if it ever comes) will not be a flat and solid thing, like the satisfaction of animals. It will be an exact and perilous balance; like that of a desperate romance." -G.K. Chesterton

#onetake, Part II

I have to add something to the list from the other day. it’s so cliche but like most cliche things it is overuse that desensitizes us to the meaning, not the absence of meaning. yup. it’s #authenticity. real.

real stuff.

back to basics. I crave a more REAL life. and yes, an “inauthentic” thing is just as physically real as an authentic thing…but let’s think about this for a minute. sure the eggs you buy at the grocery store with a picture of the iconic red barn and crowing rooster are “real” and are in fact real eggs. frying them up on a Saturday morning might give you the same nostalgic feelings drawn from our country’s metastory (can’t remember the other better word for this) of farm life and early mornings and big breakfasts and big families or even fond memories from your own childhood. but the reality? well, much different. (I would cite more detail at peril of one of you jumping on the wrong point I’m trying to make.) I’m talking right now about our physical day to day resources–almost all of them if you go back to the source are 1)made in factories and/or labs 2) made from petroleum or corn.

I didn’t actually know this until I read The Omnivore’s Dilemma, a book I think should be required reading everywhere. but even before that, something in my gut (yes I’ve been watching NCIS) led me to feel like something really isn’t right here.

I’d also like to note that this is not anti capitalist. at least I hope not. if so then maybe capitalism actually has some serious problems that need to be looked at. I always used to hear the “God put us here to take care of the earth, stewardship blah blah blah” mantra without actually realizing what a terrible job we were doing at it.

nor am I saying I know the answer. I’m simply thinking for me, personally, I feel a disconnect so strong between the way we live our lives day to day and the way we Were Supposed To that I can’t just do nothing about it. like I said, it’s driving me nuts.

have you seen statistics about how much waste we produce in the states? it just isn’t about the numbers–I hate it when people try to play our emotions by trying to stagger us with huge numbers…”did you know out of the 7 billion people alive, 6.28406 billion of them have gotten the flu!!?” duhz. when you’re working with a lot of space and people, the numbers WILL be big. but if you look at PERCENTAGES of how much MORE we are using up in unsustainable ways (another cliche buzzword but actually means something) it’s —well it’s just stupid.

yikes I’m going on a tangent. I was going to talk about the five senses. okay. so I’m an aethstete, right? that means I highly value physical beauty that can be experienced with all five senses. I think nature is the best (duh) place to find that. the fact that we even have a word to DISTINGUISH Where we live from walls we put up to get away from It–it’s kinda weird if you think about it. like, “I feel the most refreshed when I’m in nature” as opposed to what? can you smell walls? do the ceiling tiles give you the same visual stimulation as a sky full of stars? (I have a math genius friend that once spent a few hours deciphering the pattern of dots at the table in our cafeteria. that was cool. but I digress.) I guess it comes down to: when did we start thinking that the worlds WE build can actually REPLACE the one we were charged with tending and filling?

we were MEANT to be.in.nature.all.the.time. we were MEANT to interact with it– in our daily rituals, to touch, taste, smell, hear, see its beauty and richness.

I’ve realized something about myself: I like to chop vegetables okay? laugh. it’s okay. I buy the whole carrots and peel and chop them which takes a LOT longer but I’ve realized (I’m not even kidding) I do it because the action of peeling and chopping carrots put put me closer to nature–ahem–Where We Were SOpposed To Be… hands moving. interacting.

lots of you know I run barefoot right? and I tell you it’s cuz I run faster barefoot. you know what’s also true? I run faster because I know that’s how it’s supposed to work. it makes me feel whole, literally connected to the earth in a way that wearing shoes…well just doesn’t.

you know they are finding out that touching your feet to real ground literally relieves stress in your body? like they do heat maps of stress before and after touching bare feet to ground and the stress gets sucked right up by the dirt. literally GROUNdS you in the same way an antennae runs into the ground. BECAUSE IT WAS dESIGNeD THAT WAY.

we spend all this time and money trying to make our lives more convenient. but all that does is make us sick, sad, and shin-splint ridden. (that alliteration was working well at first…)

I don’t really like how convoluted and bitter sounding this post is. I promise I’m not bitter. I’m just…

“aching for the real thing” as Rend Collective put it.

#onetake

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I’m terrible at titles

ive thought about starting a hashtag in Instagram, #onetake, and it would be kind of like the #nomakeup #nofilter but choosing to take and post one picture instead of posing and styling a bazillion times and picking one picture out of the mess.

this blog will be sort of like that. I’m driving myself insane with not being able to dialogue about this one super weird side of me and I am also tired of my progress feeling slower than the most ridiculous slowthing metaphor you can think of (molasses, slugs, all that).

i created this blog years ago and abandoned it because the name is stupid– no one could remember to type ‘l’arrangiarsi’ into the bar and heck I can’t even remember how to spell it and I’m not going to check. #onetake.

but in the spirit of making something out of nothing and using what i have, I am resurrecting it (if you can even call it that) because I don’t have two weeks to come up with the perfect title–im terrible with those remember–and this one already sort of fits the theme anyway. I am fully confident that no one or almost no one will read this and am totally fine with that, so let’s get this started:

bottom line: I want to live in a teepee*. no really. and I’m sorry if I am being politically incorrect–I don’t know a more succinct or visually evocative way to say I want to live in a small naturally made dwelling with a fireplace and in the woods thats existence provides shelter and facilitates a kind of community that is next to impossible to find –a little more impossible every year since the industrial revolution.

upon reflection, yurt might work too. is it actually ger? I can’t remember.

*after posting this I was informed the correct spelling is tipi. Thus I have actually changed the spelling of that in the rest of the post, as well as a few glaring spelling and grammar errors that affected clarity. That’s it tho. Oh and I added “rewilded natural movement biohacker” because I just discovered these phrases and am busy learning everything I possibly can about them because I love them.

ridiculous side note: I have this totally unproven theory that my brain’s neurons aren’t firing right because I can’t remember things–like simple words, and numbers, names. it drives me nuts. it could be because I had Epstein Barr it because I have mold nuerotoxicity, or it could be because I have just gotten more stupid over time because I spend too much time in front of a screen. who knows? more on that another time–chalk me up as a conspiracy theorist or crunchy hippy wannabe if you want–I will admit right now that you are entirely accurate. the x is on the top right 😉 (unless you have an apple computer in which case i have no idea but you get the picture)

back to business.

i want to live in a tipi. I am dead serious. I think I am always subconsciously –or consciously now that I’ve said it aloud– working towards that weird and undefinably-reasoned goal. future posts will further prove this.

why you ask?

actually you’re probably just running…okay I asked myself why.

on briefly reflecting:

nature. I need it. aesthete, highly sensitive, all that.

community. dear God, I crave community like nothing else. and the above is an actual prayer, not an exclamation.

simplicity. my poor little brain craves this one too.

beauty. never enough beauty.

challenge. I need this to thrive, and so do you but you might have forgotten.

work. no, not nine to five at a desk. I mean works that connects brain with heart with hands– movement and senses awakened and the absolute thrill that comes with mastering something, even if it meant you worked hard and long with none of the so called conveniences of our time.

dont get me wrong I don’t hate living when I do and I’m not a total Luddite. im writing this on my smart phone for Petes sake. but our reality is so far gone from what I call (for lack of a better term) The Way Things Were Supposed To Be, and I feel it SO KEENLY SO OFTEN that it is literally driving me nuts.

so I make toothpaste from coconut oil and baking soda. i buy shares in a herd of cows and drink milk raw. I get disgustingly obsessive about using up what I have and trying to find a rhythm to it all. I hate plastic. I look for a more natural, unprocessed alternative and then peel back and find a MORE natural alternative, peeling back and peeling back until one day, I will find myself living my dream: in a tipi, zero waste, minimalist, organic, all natural, biophiliac (if that’s even a word), rewilded natural movement biohacker probably without any real friends left because I am literally the weirdest person you have ever met. but at least I am okay with myself because I lived out my values instead of trying to fit in.

run away or read on, now YOUR sanity is at stake too!

Good Things

…because my restless soul is forgetting how blessed I really am:

(from Psalm 84)

good things overflowing:
blessed are those whose strength is in you…”

~ an adventure
“…whose hearts are set on pilgrimage

~ a battle
“…as they pass through the valley of weeping”

~ a mission
“…they make it a place of springs

~a safe passage
“…they go from strength to strength

~ a hope
“till each appears before God in Zion.”

more:
~ health and opportunities spilling over
~ Caleb sleeping next to me on the couch
~ maps full of possiblilities
~ ice cream sundaes for dessert
~ working
~ days off
~ brothers who call
~ Where the Wild Things Are made into a movie
~ valleys
~ unexpected woods with trails for running 
~ Grecian fisherman’s caps
~ WWII Ike jackets
~more promises: “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion…”
~(God is going to use me)
~ praying before meals
~ classes starting in a matter of days
~ getting to run with my team again
~ waiting
~ praying for compassion
~ finding my bucket lists all over the place
~ too many books
~ good words. Psalm 103:

 He satisfies your desires with good things
   so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s…

 

trying to reflect.

There ain’t a body, be it mouse or man, that ain’t made better by a little soup.
     -The Tale of Despereaux

 

Adventure of the day: attempting and succeeding at making Stormy Day Soup from the giant red cookbook my grandma found at a rummage sale.  Snowy days count, right?

 

 

 

Will you keep out all the sadness? “

 “I have a sadness shield that keeps out all the sadness, and it’s big enough for all of us.” -Max (the King of all Wild Things)

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”  (Revelation 21:4)

home is

stacks of toast on a cold night

 

 

home is

the windows glowing from the inside

 

 

home is

curling up and falling asleep